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Totally Dublin, an excellent publication, produced the article “200 Reasons Not To Leave Dublin”. As a country boy who has left Dublin after 11 years in favor of country life, I felt like a similar piece needed to be written. The fact that there are only 17 reasons says more about the demands of being a Daddy than the attractiveness of the country. I think.

(Feel free to add more or disagree accordingly.)

1. Lack of self-importance. 

People from the country would never attempt to claim ownership of things that obviously belong to the entire nation like Live Line, Jambons, the age of the country or our ability to curse better than anyone in the world. Dublin people do this in front of country people all the time and it angers them greatly.

 2. Better understanding of the weather: 

Dublin people think that it rains when they are feeling sad and that the sun is shining because scumbags are jumping into the canal. Country people understand meteorology so much that we have our own theories and preferred sources of weather news.

 3. Things are cheaper. 

Not much more to be said on this one. It just costs a lot less to live outside Dublin and there is less chance of someone robbing and kicking your head in for the craic.

4. Tea brack.

Fruit loaf to Dubliners, brack or barm brack is an exquisite piece of country cuisine that facilitates the drinking of three cups of tea in one sitting.

 

5. Getting changed. 

Ever meet a Dublin person four hours after they have finished work. Sweaty armpits, makeup around the colour, a spillage from lunch. That would never happen in the country. Contrary to popular belief country people are a lot cleaner than city folk as they can go home and change a lot more easily than a city slicker. As a result there is nothing a country person loves doing more than getting changed before doing anything after work.

 

6. Letting each other out

Unheard of in the city. Driving a car in the country requires a different level of patience and understanding given the number of tractors you tend to encounter. Letting someone out or pulling in to let someone go by is standard practice unless they look like a big Dublin prick who’s in a mad rush to go “surfing” in Lahinch.

 

7. Poor Network Coverage

Not having coverage is no bad thing when you’re attempting to avoid calls, emails or just taking a nap. Poor signal is not an excuse available to people living in the big schmoke.

 

8. Taking Naps

You know all that time you spend on buses, queuing for stuff and sitting in your car cribbin about the traffic? Country people use that time to grab forty winks. It’s part of the reason that country people don’t act like arseholes a lot of the time.

 

9. Talking in shops

Go into any shop in Dublin and try to have a chat with the person behind the counter about what’s happening in the world. They will think you are insane if you pursue the conversation past two sentences. Owing to having more time on their hands, country people expect / demand a bit of chat in the shops they use.

 

10. Leaving Dublin

When you pass through the lights at Newlands Cross  and put the foot down to head home there is a sense of relief that no Dublin person will ever fully understand.

 

11. Businesses are usually open to persuasion

It doesn’t matter if it’s a pub in or funeral parlour, a menswear shop or a butchers if you’re in business in the country you are usually open to negotiation on price, the possibility of getting something extra free or your opening hours. If you’ve never left Dublin you would think that the price marked is written in stone and that you can’t get past a closed sign by simply knocking on the window.

 

12. Hurling Is Not A New Thing

Hang around with a Dublin GAA fan long enough and you’d think that hurling was a new  business venture they had cleverly invested in that had taken off in recent years. All country people know that hurling predates Dublin itself. Try to explain this to a Dublin GAA supporter and they will tell you to “Go And Shite!”

 

13. Clothes That Fit

Dublin people seem to have great trouble finding clothes that fit them. Whether it’s the young lad with the jeans hanging off his arse or the flabby inner city girl wearing a belly top, city folk for some unknown reason can’t bring themselves to wear clothes that are the right size. Not a problem down the country. If anything the problem you have in towns like Kilkenny is the clothes fit too well and some shops won’t sell you anything that they feel might be a bit loose or  a tiny bit tight.

 

14. People don’t try to intimidate each other with the use of the word “buddy”.

15. Less shouting.

It’s rare enough to see a mother curse at her child down the country. Cross O’Connell Bridge three times, I can promise you that on one of those trips you will see a parent shout at their child regardless of whether that child is capable of talking themselves.

 16. Bragging is frowned upon.

Dublin people, particularly those on the Northside will think nothing of making a statement like, “I went bowling in Blanchardstown last night. Broke the highest score they’ve ever had in the centre. I wouldn’t mind only my thumb has been giving me trouble all week.” Country people who for the most part have never praised themselves at any point during their lives have no idea how to respond to statements like this.

 

17. Cheeky Kids

Dublin kids are little fuckers. They make smart remarks about your appearance and snigger at you when you walk by them.  While some Dubliners think that sarcasm in youngsters is charming, if you’re from the country, where no child would ever ridicule a stranger in the street, you don’t know how to respond and have no choice but to spend the rest of the day mulling it over and telling your co-workers about what happened to you. If you’re co-workers are from Dublin, they will think the story of being called “a tool” by a bike-riding 7 year old is hilarious.