A Rant About Rants…

When did ranting become cool?  Maybe it was when it became part of the dance music scene around the time “ranting and raving” took off.  Whenever it was I don’t approve of people “going on a rant” or the encouraging of others to “have a good auld rant”.  Some people find it entertaining to hear people venting their frustration through a rant but I’d much rather see them put that energy into making a piece of art that would symbolize how they feel.  That might sound arsey but how brilliant would it be if instead of having to listen to someone burn your ear off complaining about some new tax, you had to wait a week to see what piece of papier-maché sculpture they had come up with to articulate their frustration.  Taxis would be full of crudely crafted odds and ends about why the country is the way it is.  Trips to your parents house would take an Aladdin’s cave feel.  If your boss wanted to have a go at you about how you’re always late he’d have to put in the hard hours at the canvas.  And pubs would be the new galleries.  Instead of trying to shout over the din of other ranting drunks, everyone would arrive down with their paintings entitled “Why I hate Noel Edmonds!” or “Why no girl should ever wear UGG boots!”  You could wander around appreciating everyone’s point of view while an old man in the corner did a piece of interpretive dance called “I blame the foreigners”.

My biggest problem with rants is nobody else is allowed to talk while someone is on one.  They are the conversational equivalent of a lone playground swing.  The person on it is the only one enjoying it.  Everyone else has to just stand around waiting for them to be finished.  It creates a pretty shitty community atmosphere in both settings. If you find yourself on a swing or rant in that situation all you can do is stay on as long as possible because you know the next person is going to do the same thing.  After a while it’s a waste of time going to the park because you know all you’re going to do is stand around watching other people enjoy the swing.

If there is anything worse than a rant it’s probably long-winded analogies but that’s for another day in the park.